Other Quotes

"There are no more other worlds to conquer!" - Alexander the Great  (Submitted by Renzo)

"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather." - Arab News Report

"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." - Yogi Berra

"SUPREME COURT RULES THAT MURDERERS SHALL NOT BE ELECTROCUTED TWICE FOR THE SAME CRIME" - Cleveland Daily News Headline

"Weather forecast: precipitation in the morning, rain in the afternoon." - Detroit Daily News

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner of U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no militaristic value." - Marechal Ferdinand Foch

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." - GLR Broadcaster

"If it weren't for electricity, we'd all be watching television by candlelight." - George Gobel

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of." - Baltasar Gracian

"I don't remember forgetting anything." - Tony Granato

"This country should be under one God, and God should be under me." - Henry VIII  (Submitted by Renzo)

"For the majority of people, the use of tobacco has a beneficial effect." - Dr. Ian G. MacDonald, 1969

"Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion." - Madonna

"Did people build this, or did Indians?" - Tourist question at Mesa Verde National Park

"Man shoots neighbor with machete." - Miami Herald Headline

"Ladies are requested not to have children at the bar." - Sign in a Norwegian Cocktail Lounge

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olsen, 1977

"CORRECTION: Last weeks column mistakenly misidentified a source. The European Commission president is Romano Prodi, not Buffy the Vampire Slayer." - Correction notice in the Prague Post

"Permitted vehicles not allowed." - Road Sign on US 27

"There's a New Mexico?" - Homer Simpson

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears

"Where the hell is Australia anyway?" - Britney Spears

"Suicide Hotline...Please Hold..." - Unknown

"There are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count, and those who cannot." - Unknown

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way you're a mile away and have his shoes." - Unknown

"If toast always lands butter side down and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast to the back of a cat and drop it?" - Steven Wright

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is a captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
Canadians: No. I say again, divert your course.
Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand you change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.